


I Get Nervous When I Don't Get Nervous

by sapphic_maul



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Angst, Background Relationships, Drunken Flirting, F/M, Flirting, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Found Family, locus is confused
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-02
Updated: 2020-05-03
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:28:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23959942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sapphic_maul/pseuds/sapphic_maul
Summary: Even after multiple warnings from literally every member of the reds and blues, Kaikaina Grif continues to flirt with their newest teammate, Locus, although it seems to only confuse him. As the weeks and months go by, she realizes there's more to him and quite possibly more to her.
Relationships: Dexter Grif/Dick Simmons, Kaikaina Grif | Sister/Locus | Samuel Ortez
Comments: 1
Kudos: 14





	1. Kaikaina Grif

Nothing she ever did had malicious intent and she never wanted negative results. The world couldn't possibly _stay_ that way, though, even if she asked nicely. 

_"Hey, can you keep it down? We're busy as shit down here!"_

Before she received that odd transmission from Chorus, Kai assumed her brother was dead, that was better to think that missing or captured or whatever. She was not fully aware of how much she missed him until she caught a glimpse of him. A weight she had not been aware of lifted off her chest. _"Big bro's alive?"_ Nothing could prepare her for the sheer amount of relief she had. It made her want to cry.

Kai figured it would not be long before Grif came looking for her or at least stop by to say hello, but after a solid three months of waiting, it was fairly obvious he wouldn't return to Blood Gulch. 

_"You're Kaikaina Grif?"_

Her brother was not a criminal, despite what the UNSC said, but they could suck her dick regardless. She did not know much about the whole "Project Freelancer" deal, but that shit was definitely hush hush and none of her business, however everything that Grif got involved in ended up having to do with it, even after the guy in charge died- she forgot his name... Unimportant. 

_"You know my name? Big fuckin' deal! Get off my base!"_

It was not long after the Chorus transmission that Kai heard about the terrorist attacks on the UNSC and that her brother was somehow involved. There had to be some sort of mix up. Grif was an asshole, sure, but after all of that Freelancer and Chorus bullshit, there was no way he would _willingly_ participate in more bullshit. Plus, she knew he would never hurt people again if he could help it. 

_"The reds and blues you described sound harmless. How do you reconcile that with what they're doing now?"_

Kai had always known Grif better than anyone. He practically raised her and to this day remained the only family she had left. Her father left years ago and her mother... Her mother was an entirely separate issue. 

_"Just shut up and hug me!"_

He could have died _again._ He was such a moron and Kai knew that if she went back to Blood Gulch, she might not ever see Dex again. That was something she could not bear to risk. 

_"I was just gonna be quietly disappointed in you Tucker, but fuck you, you half a person!"_

After years of being confused yet extremely turned on by Tex, Kaikaina finally understood her. All of these men were idiots. Every. Single. One. Tucker was the only guy who she felt like she truly understood, but soon realized he was no better. He was awkward and for a bit she found his try hard sex thing really cute, but it was a facade that covered countless layers of insecurity. Normally she wouldn't mind something like that, but this was a guy she had to interact with every day, if she planned on sticking around. She didn't have time for Tucker's weak ego, especially if he wouldn't own up to it. She _hated_ men who just couldn't seem to realize when they were being selfish. 

_"Kai! Kai, I-"_

_"Don't."_

He seemed real for a while, like she might want to stay with him for awhile, but not for sex- she wanted to just be _near_ him simply because he just felt right. 

Those feelings disappeared as soon as Kai realized she felt them. She was stupid to expect anything less from someone like him. 

_"Fuck, Kai! All my memories were in there! Where's mom living?"_

What business did she have in a place like that? She had only known Washington for a few weeks. Why save him? Why encourage everyone? 

What business did she have risking her life for the universe? 

It's not like the universe had ever done anything for _her._

This wasn't her fight. She didn't belong here. This was like some kind of... filler role. She would never be as important as Washington, Tucker, or even Dex. 

_"Yeah, well, she's fucking dumb, too."_

_"It's because she's a hussy."_

She heard the things they said about her, hell she'd say them about herself, but it hit differently lately. 

_"You're just acting so frigid."_

If anyone asked to describe why it hurt, she couldn't really tell you.

It just did.

* * *

**Present Day: Iris**

"Holy shit! You could have, like, ten orgies at once in these bases! They're fucking huge! I should've come here sooner!" Kaikaina Grif stared in awe at the two three-story buildings that faced each other. "And- what the fuck- is that a fucking fountain? You dickheads got it _made._ " 

Tucker scoffed. "Says the music festival CEO or... whatever you were." 

"That wasn't the same! Things were comin' and goin' and when shit ended, I had to say farewell to the temporary sex dungeons and hello to blue base!" Kai sighed. "I could only shoot boring pornos in there." 

Carolina made a startled choking noise and everyone else just groaned. Dex shoved her, rolling his eyes. "We're not doing any of that dumb shit here. We can finally, _finally_ rest after all of that bullshit with mercs and dopplegangers and gods and shit! We're done! Done, I tell you!" 

"May I remind you we promised Chorus we'd help with anything, since we're no longer fugitives, so we're not exactly _done,_ Grif." Simmons interjected. 

Kai could have sworn she saw the light die in Grif's visor. "I cannot express enough how much I despise you and everything you stand for." 

"You love me." 

"Shut up. No I don't."

* * *

After a few minutes of stumbling and complaining, the reds and blues managed to push their way through blue base's door. 

"Where the fuck are the lights? Alexa! Siri! Google!" 

"I haven't installed it yet, Tucker. You'll just have to be patient, like everyone else!" 

"Are we in the dark place again? Tell the dinosaurs I love them and I'm sorry I could not get them Christmas presents this year." 

"Oh, gosh, I think I just stubbed my toe on an anvil!"

_"Sal de mi puto pie, Doc, o te mataré."_

"No one here has ever spoken Spanish, Lopez!"

"Found the lights, morons." Carolina slammed her fist against the wall. The lights nearly blinded Kai after being in the dark for so long. 

She expected to hear some sighs of relief or more complaining but instead the room fell silent. 

.

.

.

They were all staring straight ahead, mouths wide open in shock. Carolina aggressively stepped forward, reaching for the gun in her holster. _Huh?_ Confused, Kai followed the other's gaze. _What the fuck-_

The main entrance led into what appeared to be the base's living space- a large room with three couches, a ping pong table, and a giant flat screen TV that covered nearly the entire wall opposite of them. Two hallways led to either end of the base. 

Standing only a few feet away from them was a man in armor she immediately recognized. 

_"Everybody get out! I am gonna fuck that guy!"_

Carolina hadn't pulled the gun out yet but Kai could tell she was seriously considering it. "Want to tell us what _you're_ doing here, Locus?" 


	2. Samuel Ortez

**Monster [mon-ster]:**

a creature so ugly or monstrous as to frighten people;

a person who excites horror by wickedness, cruelty, etc.

* * *

A year ago, he would have considered it ridiculous that he could ever be capable of _missing_ anyone, at least for a drawn out period of time. Casualties happened, that was part of the job. He had seen countless former partners fall in battle and hardly batted an eye. 

What was different this time?

_"Locus, what are you doing? You're a soldier, remember?"_

It was true that Felix was one of his first partners and he also had stuck around the longest. He seemed to enjoy Locus's presence to a certain extent. It was unusual for anyone to act that way around him, even back during The Great War. He was skilled, sure, but sociable? Not exactly. 

_"I say we blow its brains out."_

_"That's your answer to everything."_

If there was anyone who came close to _understanding_ him, it was Felix. But, as it turned out, Locus was wrong. Felix couldn't have understood him it all, since Locus realized he never even understood _himself._

_"Your partner is afraid of_ you _."_

At first the notion seemed ridiculous- but the A.I.'s words began to make sense the more Locus sat with them. Felix had no reason to remain by Locus's side after the war- they could hardly could be considered _friends-_ they had nothing in common. 

One only needed the other to survive. 

_Of course._ All Felix wanted was protection- to be around someone he knew that was _stronger_ and deadlier. All he did was use others, so of course Locus was no exception. 

_"Hey. Thanks for... staying."_

_"We're partners."_

_"Yeah. Partners."_

Was there ever a single moment where Felix genuinely believed in what he was saying? Was it all fake? Maybe if they had stayed in the partnership with Siris- if they had never accepted the job from Charon- may then things would be different. _No._ Then something else would have happened. Felix was _never_ satisfied. Some other job would have come up and Felix would have pushed things just as much as he had done on Chorus. 

_"Fuck you... monster."_

_"I'm not a monster. I'm a soldier... like you."_

He was used to that by now. "Monster." "Freak." "Machine." It hardly bothered him and when Agent Washington said it, Locus had to hold back a laugh. How hypocritical of the freelancer. They were the _same,_ weren't they? Regardless of what side they were on or whose orders they carried out, they were the same- _soldiers._ Locus hated the idea of losing himself to that identity- the monster- the person Felix wanted him to be and who everyone already thought he was.

_"Caught us a monster, captain. I_ think _it understands what we're saying."_

_"Really? Then how about you tell us what you're doing here?"_

Whatever that temple was, it resurfaced ancient fears and paranoia. It got under his skin and _terrified_ him, but as quickly as it came, it went. He couldn't let Felix or anyone else point it out again. He wouldn't let it get in the way of their mission- _his_ mission. 

" _You keep trying to play yourself off as some sort of weapon. That you don't care about anyone or anything."_

_I don't. I fulfill my role and move on to the next. There's no room for sentiment._

_"But the fact that you're trying so hard to understand me breaks your entire act!"_

_It's different. We're the same, yet you act so differently. That's all it is, Washington._

_"N_ _o matter how hard you may want to be, you're not a machine, you're a murderer."_

_You're wrong._

_"But you hide behind the idea in your head, because you're too afraid to take responsibility for what you've done._ "

_Shut up._

**_"Just die."_ **

_"Killing me won't make you feel better. It'll just prove my point."_

Perhaps it was those words that changed his perspective or maybe he felt that way all along, since the moment the reds and blues crossed his path. Perhaps he always knew this mission was wrong- that _he_ was wrong. 

_"I'm not a soldier, I'm a monster. Like you."_

**_"Wait-"_ **

It shouldn't have hurt, seeing Felix fall off the ledge, presumably to his death, but it did. There was no guilt, but a great amount of sorrow. They were partners, and some years ago, when Siris was in their lives, he considered Felix a friend. His greed and pride changed all of that though and no there was no going back. 

_"Just because you saved us, doesn't mean you get to leave! You killed innocent people!"_

_"I know. I'm going to make things right, but not from inside a cell."_

As confident as he sounded, he still was not sure what he would do to make _anything_ he had ever done right. No matter where he went or what he did, it would never change what transpired on Chorus- the people he manipulated and killed. 

_"If you run, we'll find you."_

_"No. You won't."_

And they didn't. _He_ found _them._

Shortly after Chorus, Locus began to aide a small colony miles away from UNSC territory. They had no idea who he was or what he had done and he had no intention of letting them find out. He never made small talk or stayed on the planet for too long. He didn't really _know_ them. 

Then they were dead. 

Locus figured he would find the reds and blues standing around and talking, but to his surprise, Iris was abandoned. 

With one exception. 

_"Locus? No! Aw, fuck! You're not really real, right? I mean- I'm just hallucinating?"_

_"You're not hallucinating."_

_"Then you're here to kill me?"_

_"I'm not here to kill you either."_

Dexter Grif was... an interesting soldier, if Locus could even call him that. He was talkative, impulsive and _annoying,_ more so than Locus recalled, but he was surprisingly receptive to Locus's plan to help the other reds and blues. It all went rather smoothly, too, up until the very end. 

_"Wash? Wash. Wash! What the fuck are you doing? Wash, get down!_

_"Oh, hey T-"_

There were not enough words in any language to express how furious Locus was with Lavernius Tucker. Yes, he was an idiot, but _this?_ This was a result of ignorance and recklessness, nothing more. 

Washington choked and gasped for air, blood gushing from the lethal wound in his neck. Locus had to remove the freelancer's helmet- his blond hair was already mixed with crimson. "Hang on, Washington... We're almost there." 

Locus was risking everything by sneaking Washington on Chorus, but he couldn't leave the agent anywhere else, not with the UNSC still looking for the reds and blues. 

"Oh my God! Agent Washington? Wh- what- _I need a team down here right now! Prep an O.R.!"_

He wasted no time in that place. Leaving was easier since the entire hospital staff was focused on Washington. Soon, he was safe inside A'rynasea, floating aimlessly in space.

* * *

After six hours of sitting in the dark, Locus finally heard noises outside. 

_"We're no doing any of that dumb shit here." Grif. "We can finally,_ finally _rest after all of that bullshit with mercs and dopplegangers and gods and shit! We're done! Done, I tell you!"_

_"May I remind you-" Simmons._

It sounded like all of them were out there, returning from some sort of mission involving "gods," which Locus assumed was a codename of some sort. The only voice he did not hear was Agent Washington, who was most likely still recovering. 

The door finally opened and the solders came piling in like idiots, unable to find the light switch. 

_"I can't see! We've been ambushed!"-_ the Sargent. 

_"Are we in the dark place again?"_ \- Michael J. Caboose. 

_"Holy shit, ya'll live like this? Tucker get_ off _of me!"_ Locus frowned. He did not recognize the voice of this sim trooper. She was female, but not Agent Carolina. 

_"Found the lights, morons."_ Speaking of which, Locus was finally engulfed in light, thanks to the freelancer and the room suddenly fell quiet. 

.

.

.

"Want to tell us what _you're_ doing here, Locus?" 

.

.

_Perhaps because I have nowhere else to go._


End file.
